


First Train and Kafka

by Amandap99



Category: Sonic X, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Also there are flashbacks to "Teasing Time" and "The Cosmo Conspiracy" in here, I don't know what I'm doing I was just desperate to write something, I'm declaring this song Cosmo's theme and if you don't agree you've never watched the show, I'm kidding about that last part but this song is seriously too perfect for her, In which Cosmo likes to sing apparently, Should I even use the "Major Character Death" tag? It's just kind of retelling Cosmo's death, That's canon and everyone knows about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amandap99/pseuds/Amandap99
Summary: Flowers and loneliness, two things Cosmo knew a lot about.





	First Train and Kafka

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [First Train and Kafka/Shihatsu to Kafka](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/393971) by n-buna (Original), Rachie (Cover), Cotton (English Lyrics). 



**Though my heart is full of things I wanna say to you….** **  
** **I never seem to find the words, so please forgive me** **  
** **When I woke up, I'd become a bug** **  
** **But I'm sure that's a story you've heard quite enough**

 

Cosmo was never good with words, her thoughts and feelings being too jumbled and complicated for her to truly unravel into coherent sentences. She just hoped her tongue so often being tied wasn’t a problem for all of her friends, it’s not like she wasn’t trying to explain. She had so much she wanted to say, but those words got caught in her throat more often than not, leaving her unable to say just how she felt.

 

She remembered first waking up in Cream’s house, the bed’s warmth providing her slight solace, even as she was shy around the than unfamiliar people who were now her closest friends. They just made everything better, they supported her, never got mad when she made a figurative or literal slip, they were more than precious to the plant girl.

 

Her memory of the events immediately before that were fuzzy, however. She did recall running as fast as her feet would take her, desperate to find SOMEBODY familiar, smoke clouding her vision and overwhelming her smell. Terror pounded in her heart, striking every part of her mind as she tried to get away from the monsters. The next thing she knew, she had turned into a bug

 

Cosmo rapidly shook her head, her memory of that experience seemed to love taunting her. Everyone knew what happened, and they were forgiving of her, that was the important part. No matter how bad she felt, they always managed to find a way to make her happy once again, even though her heart constantly ached for her family and from her guilt and insecurities.

 

 **We're a bit short on time, so I have to try...** **  
** **To send a letter in the mail, but will it reach you?** **  
** **Though there's nothing good about today** **  
** **I'll board the first train and be on my way**

Everyone was always so busy, whether fighting the Metarex or looking for the Chaos Emeralds, it was difficult to relax for long in their current circumstances. Any free time they got was cherished amongst the otherwise hectic spaceship. Even though she wasn’t capable of fighting alongside the others, Cosmo was able to help in other ways, such as deciphering the monsters’ language and helping locate Planet Eggs. Perhaps she had a bit more free time than the others…

 

But all she wanted was to see her family, it had certainly been a while since the last time they were together. Letters sat on her desk, all meant for the eyes of her mother and older sister, who she hoped would enjoy hearing from her. She didn’t get much time to send her messages, but she always put them in the mail when she got a chance, if the planet they were visiting had such things. She was curious, were her words reaching them wherever they were?

Cosmo sat in the back of the X-Tornado, her heart pounding. Today had been stressful for everyone, with another huge attack to handle that did quite a number on them all. But it was over, and they could all relax, at least for now. This was the kind of thing that always made Cosmo feel so small and scared, these robots had such devastating power and had already destroyed so many worlds, worlds that had no clue what was coming. Sometimes she wondered if their fight was pointless, if there really was a chance of winning the war they were involved in.

 

She brushed off that thought quickly, growing angry at herself for doubting her beloved friends. She should be happy now, they had beaten one and could go back to the Blue Typhoon for some much needed rest. Shuffling in her seat, she leaned her head back, her eyes softly closing. Sleep was what she wanted now, so she dozed off.

 

 **Though I know I have to learn to walk before I run…..** **  
** **My legs just don't appear to work, so please forgive me** **  
** **The abelias are blooming bright** **  
** **Gazing down on the town sleeping tight**

 

Despite her impressive agility and ability to feather-fall, Cosmo was not someone who could be considered graceful. She had always been clumsy, falling whenever she strained herself too hard or even tripping over her own two feet, it was very embarrassing. But she always picked herself back up, even when she was tempted to stay on the ground and not do anything. If she struggled to get back to her feet by herself, the others would pull her up. It must’ve been frustrating for them that she was such a klutz, but she tried her hardest to stay stay up and balanced.

 

She stood at the edge of a sharp cliff that overlooked a beautiful lake just below, her gaze on the beautiful flowers. Cosmo had adored plants all her life, probably because she was a plant herself, and so, she was able to have a deeper connection to them than most others. She could feel exactly what they felt, and spent most of her life caring for them alongside her sister.

 

It was getting late, the sun beginning to set and the townspeople tucking in for the night. Cream had just been here a few minutes ago, the two girls having spent most the day together, along with Amy. She wondered what everyone was doing now, perhaps she should head back soon, but she wanted to look at the flowers for just a bit longer.

 

 **On the windowpane, there was a tiny basking bug** **  
** **And though I could've set it free, instead I squashed it** **  
** **The summer breathes a gentle breeze….** **  
** **Over the white flowers swaying, lovely**

  


Her gaze flicked to the shut window, a small bug having decided to take a nap there, it must’ve got in when they first landed. She still had a chance to set the insect free, it wasn’t time for them to leave just yet, but she found herself squashing the creature instead. She didn’t think much of disposing of it, even if she was a bug now, too. She did feel a little bad, but it’s what she decided to do, it was just a tiny insect.

 

The weather was hot, but it was accompanied by a cool breeze that Cosmo personally found relaxing. It was soft and comforting, lightly ruffling her skirt and flowing through her hair in a way that soothed her. It was doing the same thing to the surrounding flowers, pusing them enough for them to sway, but they didn’t struggle. She smiled, enjoying the moment of relaxation.

 

**In the books that I’ve read, nothing felt quite like this**

**Days we cherish and miss**

**But somebody fumbled with life and pretended to die**

 

She often found herself with her head buried in one of Tails’ books, the words bringing her to a whole other world. Most of them were about complicated mechanics that she could never hope to wrap her brain around, but she had found some truly intriguing fantasies mixed in there, too. But no matter how many books she read, she found herself unable to relate to what was being told. Her feelings couldn’t be easily formed into words, especially not by a random book she had indulged in for a distraction.

 

She loved to daydream, often getting caught up in her fantasies of happiness and adventure, sometimes she wouldn’t even hear the chatter around her. Most of these were about her time with her family, like gardening with Galaxina or getting piggy-back rides from Chrysanthemum. She deeply missed those days, her memories filling her heart with the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia.

 

Unfortunately, everything had gone wrong, and those people she held so dear were now - She cut herself off, she didn’t want to think of such sad things. She would see them again one day, but she had to keep going without them for now.

 

**We go along, singing a song, singing a song….**

**To hear what our hearts have to tell**

**So might as well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well**

**Grow roses for more than their smell**

**You go along, so long, so long, so long, so long**

**You’ve wandered off so far away**

  


Cosmo hummed lightly, her quiet voice the only sound to be heard in the Blue Typhoon’s halls. It was a special song, a lullaby Galaxina had sung for her, taught to her by their mother before Cosmo was born. Sometimes their mother joined in with them, but she had been weak those days, preferring to remain quiet so she didn’t use up her strength. She continued to sing that song that had been embedded deep into her heart, both warming and hurting it at the same time.

 

She usually found herself singing that song while she tended to the flowers contained in small pots in her bedroom. They made everything smell so nice and gave her someone to talk to, the roses giving her company on the nights she struggled to sleep. It was a passion of hers, her species and upbringing making this interest inevitable. She knew her family would love her work, but they left for places unknown to the girl with roses, so they were unable to see.

 

**And as I try to put these quaking words to pen….**

**I’ve run out of space to write again**

 

Her hands shook as she wrote the uneven words on a ripped out sheet of paper, her racing mind working desperately to bring words to the page. The message was sloppy, the sentences jumbled and disorganized. This is the same thing that always happened whenever she wrote, but at least they were legible.

 

She was about to continue, only to realize she had filled up the entire sheet, leaving no more room for another word. She wasn’t surprised, she should really try to write neater, but she always found herself too frantic to control her quivering hand.

 

**One morning, I awoke and was surprised to find…**

**That my legs had multiplied while I was sleeping**

**It seemed I had become a bug**

**But I’m sure that’s a story you’ve heard quite enough**

_Cosmo jolted awake, the ear-piercing ring of the alarm startling her into complete alertness. Looking up, she immediately realized what the issue was: there, standing above her bed with an expression of hatred, was Shadow. Needless to say, Cosmo was terrified. Why was he in her room? Why was he standing above her so menacingly? Why was he so angry at her?_

 

_She didn’t understand what could’ve caused him to be so relentless in getting rid of her, but she did know she was lucky to be unharmed, her safety being owed to Tails. She desperately tried to ask Shadow what his motives were at one point during their chase, but he refused to answer. It was only after some scans that they found out the problem: Cosmo had become a bug, she had been a bug since the attack on her home._

 

  
Cosmo teared up at the awful thoughts, but she quickly brushed them away with her balled fists. She didn’t need to be upset, it was over, and they had adapted to the news of her being what she was. She was eternally grateful to them for not casting her away, she wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Everyone knew the truth now, and that was actually a good thing, now that she was considering it.

 

**Since I had no family my form could frighten….**

**I looked down upon the town as it was dreaming**

**The summer breathes a gentle breeze**

**You were always just as gentle with me**

 

Galaxina and their mother weren’t around to see what the youngest Seedrian had turned into, none of them were around to be intimidated or worried for their safety. She wished she could see them again, for them to hug her and tell her it was all going to be ok, but that was an opportunity that would never be presented to her.

 

Another new planet, another Planet Egg, the same routine. Again, Cosmo stood in a high place, overlooking the darkened area. The creatures there must’ve been having pleasant dreams, now that their home was safe… well, that is if there were any living creatures there. She wasn’t sure, but it was a nice thought to have.

 

Stepping off, she allowed herself to be gently carried down to the ground beneath her, the wind ruffling her skirt and hair yet again. Such gentle breezes always reminded her of her mother, so loving and tender with everyone, especially her daughters. Always caring for the safety of their clan and leading them through harsh times, being a voice of reason among the journey to find a new planet to call their own.

 

**In time, you may find…**

**Humans lead such hateful lives**

**If I give up humanity…**

**Could I see you again and would you smile at me?**

 

If there was one thing Cosmo hated beside those Metarex, it would be whenever her friends fought each other. They were supposed to get along, they were supposed to be working together to save the galaxy from having all its animal and human life drained away. They didn’t argue often, but it greatly upset her whenever they did, Sonic and Knuckles usually being the disputers. She wanted them to get along all the time, but maybe that was a little too idealistic and silly of an idea, arguments were inevitable and a part of life, though she was always saddened by such events.

 

She would give up everything to see her family again and ensure the safety of her dear friends. Seeing her mother and sister smile at her again is something she constantly dreamed of.

 

**I’ve always known, alone, alone, alone, alone**

**That I would end up on my own**

**But still, I will - I will, I will, I will, I will**

**Watch over the flowers until….**

**I hear your song; so long, so long, so long, so long**

**You might never sing it again**

 

Now that she thought about it, she always had a nagging feeling that her clan would be caught in such a tragedy, the Metarex weren’t going to stop targeting them just because they fled their home planet. They were complete monsters, but they were certainly determined. She didn’t think she would be the only one to escape, however, but that was only because the Metarex let her escape, to use her to further their destruction.

 

But the flowers were always there for her, willing to listen to her talk and her willing to care for them. She watched over them cautiously, she loved them, and maybe she wanted something to protect, since she was always the one being protected by the others. It was something to do until she heard that beloved song again, the song that would never be sung by anyone but her ever again.

 

**And as I try to put these quaking words to pen….**

**I’ve run out of time to write again**

 

_Walking right into an obvious trap… how could she have been so naive? So gullible? Now Chris was in danger simply because she wanted to take the almost non-existent chance that a Metarex would give her some answers. She had lied to everyone, and this was the price being paid for her small deception._

 

_Her friend was unconscious now, having been knocked out cold by a particularly hard blow from the Metarex that lured her to its base. She was terrified for him, but she hardly cared for her own safety, she wouldn’t have lied and came here alone if she didn’t value them over herself. The two were certainly running out of time, having no idea what Black Narcissus was planning to do with or to them._

 

Cosmo sighed at yet another bad memory, another unfortunate event caused by her. Having snapped back to reality, she realized she had started another letter, but her tears made the letters indecipherable. She was crying? She didn’t even notice.

 

**Ah, I knew, I knew that not a single word I wrote was true**

**Cause there’s no way that I could turn into an insect**

**And there’s no way you’ll ever read the letter that I sent**

 

The lonesome girl broke down, crying softly into her hands. She had been lying to herself this entire time. She wasn’t an insect, that was simply a fabrication she had told herself because she didn’t like thinking of the reality. She had been turned into a spy, an unwilling (and previously unwitting) spy for the monsters that had taken literally everything away from her, they listened to and watched them all, using Cosmo’s eyes and ears as tools against them.

 

Spy equipment was sometimes referred to as “bugs”, right? So, in that sense, she was indeed a bug. She just wasn’t the type most people thought of, the innocent little creatures that got into houses and ate leaves. She was the harmful type, made to stalk a person and leave them feeling scared and unsafe.

 

And the letters she wrote and sent? They would never be read, she didn't even know where they’d end up. The planned recipients were gone, making it impossible for them to read the messages that contained her precious feelings.

 

**Ah, I knew, I knew….**

**That there’s a price you have to pay to make your dreams come true**

 

**I knew it all along**

 

Cosmo was a nice girl, always polite to her friends and the kind people they crossed paths with. But her heart was secretly full of sadness and hatred, hatred for the monsters that left her all alone. Even if they deserved it, even if she was totally right to despise them the way she did, such feelings were simply not pleasant, they were a heavy weight on her shoulders.

 

Even before that attack, she had hoped they would be stopped someday. After all, they couldn’t just be left alone to destroy whatever they wanted to. When they first showed up to the Seedrians vessel, Cosmo was scared, but she thought they could defeat the robots and keep going. Needless to say, she was completely mistaken.

 

She lost everything and everyone she knew, all of the precious people she held near and dear. That was the price she paid for dreaming about the Metarex being defeated. But there was still hope, still a chance they could destroy them. Everyone else was gone, but she was still here, willing to assist her new friends in the fight however she could.

 

**And even now, I grasp your letter in my hand…**

**As if it’s the last thing I have**

**The words you wrote, the words I’ve always held so close….**

**Are distant and fading like smoke**

  


She held tightly onto the amulet worn on her chest, the warmth and light soothing her. This was all she had left of her family, she had been gifted the precious stone from her mother. Thinking about it always made her sad, but at least she had a small part of her mother with her, it was much better than having nothing at all. Apparently it was magical, but she never saw it do anything too special, it’s value was mostly sentimental in her mind.

 

Her mother had always told her it’s better to be safe than sorry, and she listened to that advice. But what good were those words when she was always sorry, even when they were safe? She was sorry she couldn’t save anyone from her clan, sorry she was so weak and clumsy, sorry she was hardly of any help. Sorry for getting in the way. But she would never doubt her family, even if they were far, far away.

 

**You went along, singing your song, singing your song….**

**To hear what my heart had to tell**

**I haven’t told you yet the words I put to pen**

 

**And once again**

 

Wiping the tears away, Cosmo found herself singing that familiar tune, her voice even softer than normal. She wondered if they could hear her, if they were listening, if they were happy wherever they were. It was a treasured melody, something that she had the responsibility of keeping alive, just like she had the responsibility of keeping the last Seedrian (herself) alive just long enough to ensure they didn’t go extinct.

 

She just wanted to talk to them at least once more, give them her letters and tell them about their grand adventure across the galaxy. But they’d never hear her tales, she’d never hear their voices. She sighed, the sorrow and loneliness she always repressed now practically hitting her in the face. She didn’t want to sit here and cry, maybe going out there would make her feel better.

 

Sniffling, she slowly stood up, leaving the room vacant as she stepped out. Everything was calm, everyone looked happy. Yeah, she was happy, too.

 

**We go along, singing a song, singing a song…**

**To hear what our hearts have to tell**

**So might as well, oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well**

**Grow roses for more than their smell**

**You go along, so long, so long, so long, so long**

**You’ve gone to live so far away**

 

The bright red amulet shone brightly under Cosmo’s touch, her hands curving around it’s sides as it shattered into pieces. She had never been told the specifics of the amulet’s power, but she knew exactly what was happening, she knew this was what she was meant to do. The Metarex were finally going to be stopped forever, and she was gonna be the one to ensure that.

 

The rosebuds bloomed into roses, her transformation making her feel special and proud. She hadn’t heard of any Seedrian mastering the Blooming or OverDrive forms, they were simply too unstable to be safe, but she felt nothing but bliss. It wasn’t like she was going to use it again anyways, right? She only needed it this once.

 

Honestly, Cosmo was completely overwhelmed by her emotions. Did “happiness” even do it justice? She felt better than that, she was ecstatic, proud, peaceful, confident, all things she had rarely felt before. She wasn’t useless after all, she was the one meant to stop the monsters all along.

 

She watched Tails struggle, his head downcast and his hand shaking around the controller. Cosmo felt bad for making him shoot, but it was the only way to save the galaxy, he had to do it. She smiled softly as she listened to him say his goodbyes, she was really gonna miss him, she just wished she had told him about her feelings towards him.

 

She wasn’t scared at all, not even as Sonic and Shadow were launched towards her and Dark Oak from the Sonic Power Cannon. Sure, her life was over, but her friends and the entire galaxy were gonna be saved, she was fulfilling her purpose, and she’d see her family again, and that’s all she had wanted this whole time.

 

**And as I try to put these quaking words to pen…**

**I’ve run out of time to write again**

 

**I’ve run out of space to write again**

 

Cosmo had gotten what she always wished for. She was reunited with her family, and they had a brand new home, the most peaceful place that could be imagined. She could tell them all about her adventures through space, her bonding with so many amazing friends, she was gonna let them know about everything that happened.

 

She was out of time for her writing, but she didn’t need to write when the recipients of her letters were right beside her. Of course, there was a part of her that missed her friends, but she was always gonna be there for them in a way, supporting them and watching them.

 

Cosmo was happy right where she was.

 

  
**Though my heart is full of things I wanna say to you…**

**I never seem to find the words, so please forgive me**

**When I woke up, I’d become a bug**

**That’s the plot of the song that I’ve sung**


End file.
